Query Letter: Smoke Kings: A Fiery Debut with Killer Reviews

Jahmal Mayfield blazed onto the crime writing scene with his debut, Smoke Kings.  Living legend Don Winslow now calls himself “a big fan,” and Eli Cranor dubs the book “straight fire.”  The thriller was an Amazon editors pick and earned starred reviews from Kirkus and Publisher’s Weekly.  

Smoke Kings follows Nate Evers a young black activist reeling from grief after the murder of his cousin.  In the aftermath of the tragedy, Nate and three heart-broken friends try to exact retribution and reparations by kidnapping the descendants of hate crime perpetrators, demanding that they pay into a community fund.  But when something goes horribly wrong, they find themselves facing the wrath of a white supremacist leader and a racist peace officer.

Mayfield was kind enough to share the query that won him representation.  I thought this letter was very effective because he instantly (1) delivers on-point comps, (2) shows the agent that this is a targeted query and not a form letter, and (3) demonstrates in a few sentences that he can tell a compelling story.

Dear Jackson Keeler,

I’m writing to seek representation for my novel, SMOKE KINGS, a gritty crime story of 81,000 words. It will appeal to fans of S.A. Cosby’s RAZORBLADE TEARS and David Joy’s WHEN THESE MOUNTAINS BURN. I decided to contact you after reading about the Alberto Mansur sale on Publishers Marketplace and then discovering that you had previously worked with The Story Factory (Don Winslow is one of my faves.)  

SMOKE KINGS opens in the swamps of Louisiana where Nate Evers, a young black political activist, and three of his friends have kidnapped the white descendant of someone who forced a black man to jump to his death from a bridge in 1957. They call the ransom “reparations.”

It’s not the first kidnapping the crew has conducted nor will it be their last. Sparked by a personal tragedy, they’ve been carrying out their own vengeance for past sins of hate. But when they snatch and kill their next target by accident, they’re plunged headfirst into a battle for their lives. Suddenly two dogged men are on their trail: Mason Farmer, a jaded old lawman with disturbing views on race; and the dead man’s brother, Samuel Wayne Pringle, the violent leader of a group known as the Righteous Boys. While fighting to thwart these pursuers, Nate and his friends are forced to accept a painful truth: “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”

The first chapter of my manuscript follows in the body of this email. I hope you enjoy the read and look forward to hearing from you. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best,

J.M.